5 months

I know I just put in an entry for this day (Camp Jeremiah Johnson), but I felt I needed to make a separate entry to mark our 5 months together. There was no fanfare or special celebration. In fact (as you already know), the day was just like any other. I think we did take a moment to share an anniversary kiss, but all in all the day preceded like the many before it. Still, I couldn't help but take some time to reflect on the last 5 months' journey. In many ways, I feel this marriage has been much like a mission. Even though returned missionaries can tell you what it's like to serve a mission, you can never know what a mission is all about unless you experience it. You can spend time preparing for all the "what ifs" and ideal moments you hope to have, but even then you'll never be prepared for all the adventures that come your way. I know I didn't walk into this marriage with rose-colored glasses. I know Jeff and I talked at length about all the "what ifs" that we could encounter and how we intended to handle those situations. However, there have been many other adventures that we could have never anticipated that have tried my heart strings to the point I've felt them breaking. There have been mountains where I had only expected hills and valleys have quickly become deep ravines. I never expected I could love or hurt so much. People have said that parenting is not for the faint of heart. If that's the case, what about step-parenting? Where are the "how-to" books on dealing with ex-in-laws? When I was 16, I received a blessing and was informed that I would "be prepared to take my proper place in a home where (I) will be the heart and spirit of that home". As I've reflected on that blessing and promise, I have wondered if my preparation wasn't necessarily how to be a step-parent or a wife, but how to be strong when all I feel is weak or how to stand up for myself without standing on someone else. I can't say that I've been provided with any astounding revelations or that I have perfected any specific skills or roles, but I can say that I will never stop trying. For our first dance, Jeff and I danced to a song entitled "Never Stop". Little did I know then how much that title would characterize our lives together. I will never stop loving, caring for, or serving my husband and children. I will never stop fighting for my family. I will never stop trying to be better. I am so grateful for my amazing husband and the strength he gives me. Even when I may feel all is lost, Jeff can infuse me with hope and courage by simply enveloping me in his embrace. Just a simple kiss can provide the power necessary to move forward. I know I am right where I need to be. That doesn't mean things will always be easy, but it does mean that I will be provided with enough joy, enough love, enough courage, and enough strength to keep moving. It's been 5 months since I married my eternal companion...and I'm looking forward to an eternity more.