10 months!

I can't believe that ten months ago today I married the man I had been praying to have for years! I never thought that day would come; yet here I am, 10 months later and more in love with him than I was then. I've come to realize that love stems from not only the good, fun moments, but more from those tough, heartbreaking moments that draw us closer to each other. I would be lying if I said that it has been an easy transition for me to go from being single, living close to my parents in a state that I love to being married with four kids living away from my parents (and a more urban lifestyle) in a state that has snow! There have been more tears than I would like to admit (and I'm sure many more to come) as Jeff and I have bumbled down this unknown path. There have been more mistakes than I would like to admit as well - more times when I have looked back and wished I would have handled situation's differently. I expected and anticipated much of what has occurred in the last 10 months, but I never expected the emotional toll it would play...especially this last week. You see, on our 9 month anniversary, Jeff and I discovered that I was pregnant. However, one month later, I am no longer pregnant. I lost the baby at 8 weeks gestation and yesterday had a d&c to remove the lifeless embryo. I can't even begin to describe the vast, black void that entered my heart the day we discovered our loss. I won't detail all the questions and emotions that have flooded my mind and heart in the past week. I will, however, say that Jeff has been my rock through it all. He has been the constant ray that could illuminate the lightless nothingness that filled my heart and soul. He has given me strength when I've felt weak, positivity when I could only see the negative, hope when I feel all is lost, and so much more. Jeff completes me in a way that I never imagined possible. He balances out all my weaknesses and makes me a better person. He provides fresh perspectives when all mine seem skewed. He inspires greatness. I know he is not perfect. I know there are moments of frustration (for both of us), but he is my perfect prince. I love you Jeff - more than flowery words could ever describe. You are my heart, my soul, my everything! Thank you for the last 10 months...and for the many more ahead.