Tulip Festival

It has been a few weeks since Jeff and I have had an actual date so I was excited that there wasn't anything preventing us from going to the Tulip Festival this weekend. Spring is my favorite time of year. I love all the colors that overtake the barren, winter-racked earth. The land truly goes through a re-birth process and it reminds me that so can I. Just as I have moments that feel like the cold, barren winter months, I can also have these amazing moments of re-birth where I am privileged to come alive through the power of the Atonement. As I walked through the Thanksgiving Point Gardens, I was reminded of God's love for us through the beauty of His creations. I love tulips! They are my favorite flower. I love all the varieties of colors. It was like walking through God's painting as we strolled through the gardens. I truly felt joy as Jeff took my hand while my other hand absently caressed my growing belly. In some ways, I feel that I am coming alive after a period of winter. Trying to blend myself into an already existing family has been extremely difficult at times. Because of certain struggles I've had in the realm of step-parenting (struggles that, at times, were brought on by my own choices and actions), my desire to have a biological child increased exponentially. Initially I thought I would be ok only parenting these four children without having any of my own, but I was wrong. It was a struggle to get pregnant. This little child is a miracle. He is the springtime after a seemingly long winter. I would be naive to assume that my winter moments are over. In fact, I have felt an overwhelming sense of imperfection as I look towards the future. Can I be the mother this child needs me to be? Can I truly raise him to have a strong testimony of his Savior Jesus Christ? Will he make the right choices that will bring him happiness? Am I strong enough to let him make his own decisions as the time comes? This flood of doubt and worry plagues me from time to time as this tiny miracle nears his due date, but I've learned that I simply need to trust. I need to trust that the Lord trusts me. I need to trust that I will make the best decisions I can. I need to trust that the Lord will help me in my imperfections. I need to trust that the Lord loves me and this new child and that He will be there as we make our journey back home to Him. Today, however, I put all those concerns and worries away and simply enjoyed being with Jeff and feeling my tiny baby move inside me. I hadn't really taken any pictures of my growing belly so we took advantage of the beautiful surroundings to snap a few shots. I could only coax Jeff into taking one with me, but I think it turned out great. I am so excited for our future. I am 26 weeks along now. It is crazy to think I'm entering my third and final trimester. It is even more crazy how much love I feel for this unborn child. He is constantly on my mind and in my heart. I wasn't sure my heart had any more room to love (because I have been blessed to love so many people in my life), but my heart has expanded and the love continues to grow. I love feeling the warmth of the spring sunshine in my life.