Krystle and Nolan

Today my sister, Krystle, and nephew, Nolan, flew into town for the weekend. Krystle flew in to attend her mission trainer's wedding on Saturday. I didn't care why she flew in, I was just really excited to see them! I miss both of my sisters. I have my brother, Scott, who lives close, but brothers just aren't the same. I think that has been one of the hardest aspects of living in Utah...living away from my mom and sisters. I often miss my family. I am so grateful to have felt so welcomed by Jeff's family. I enjoy hanging out with them...but it's just not the same as being with your own parents and siblings (as I'm sure everyone can agree). In any case, Krystle and I had a fun weekend. We didn't really do anything particularly spectacular, but hanging out (and a little shopping for Baby Southwick) was all we needed. I can't believe how much Nolan has grown since I last saw him a couple months ago. He is so much more animated and talkative. He kept us all laughing! I am really looking forward to having that childlike innocence and laughter in our home when the baby arrives. It was a great weekend. I was sad to see them go at the end of their trip. Here are just a few random pics from the weekend:

Reading a book before bedtime...yes, you can see my little baby bump!

Nolan was waaaaay more interested in the cookie than in getting his picture taken.

It was fun to watch the boys play with Nolan. I think they're getting ready for their new little brother!

Nolan with his favorite aunt...right?

Saying good-bye in the airport. I may have smiled for the picture, but there were tears on the car ride home.

An evening of scouts...

Tonight was a packed evening! First, I attended Danny's pack meeting. Tonight they met at the Veteran's Home here in Payson. The meeting was focused on compassion (which they accomplished through visiting with the veterans) and respect. To demonstrate respect, one of the veterans spoke to the boys about respect for the flag. Tears came to my eyes several times as I recalled similar talks from my father and grandfather (both veterans). I am grateful to have had these great men instill in me a love and respect for this great country.

Danny earned his Scientist pin tonight.

After Danny's pack meeting, Danny and I raced over to the church where Dallin was having a court of honor. Tonight he finally received the three merit badges he'd earned during the last BYU PowWow he attended (music, geocaching, communications). I am so proud of Dallin. The only merit badge he lacks is camping (and he just needs to get it signed off by a merit badge counselor). Plus, he has already identified and is going to complete his Eagle Scout project this weekend! He made a goal to get his Eagle Scout award at age 14...and he doesn't even turn 14 until May! While I know I complain about the pack meetings and certain other aspects of scouts, I think it is a great program and has instilled many valuable and admirable traits into both the boys...and will hopefully do the same with the next little guy who will be joining our family!

Payson Temple Cultural Celebration Kick-off

Tonight Dallin, Amber and I (Jeff was attending Mitchell's Melchizedek Priesthood confirmation) attended a fireside to kick-off the Payson Temple Cultural Celebration! I can't believe the beautiful beacon I can see from my house is finally going to be dedicated. I have watched this temple take form over the 2+ years I've been here and have anxiously anticipated its completion. Well the time has finally arrived. The dedication will be on June 7, 2015. The evening prior to that dedication there will be a cultural celebration highlighting the history and culture of the Payson area. All youth ages 12-18 in the temple district are invited to participate. Dallin and Amber are lucky enough to have this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. My nephew, Tyler, was able to participate in a similar celebration in Gilbert, AZ. He will admit that he wasn't too happy about singing and dancing at first, but now says it's an experience he'll never forget. I think Dallin and Amber will feel the same way. Our ward/stake has one specific musical number they'll be performing as well as a couple of group numbers. Amber actually won't be performing with the stake because she auditioned for a solo part and got it! Out of 800 people who tried out to sing the National Anthem, she got the part. Needless to say, she is super excited! And so are we! She is very talented and what better way to end her "youth" activities than to sing a solo for thousands of people during the cultural celebration at BYU stadium. I am so glad that two of our kids will have this experience and that we, as a family, get to vicariously participate with them. I am so grateful for this beautiful temple. I am grateful for the peace I find in the walls of each and every temple I've been in. I am grateful for the covenants I've made therein that keep me safe and bring me closer to my Father in Heaven. I am eternally appreciative of the fact that I have been sealed for time and eternity to my best friend and companion, Jeff. in a holy temple. I look forward to the experiences that will come in the next couple months as we all prepare for this momentous event so close to home!

Amber went to a recording studio at BYU a couple weeks after the fireside to start preparing for her solo! She looks so at east behind the microphone. 

A week in Arizona

On Friday, March 13th, I was able to travel to Arizona to spend a week with my parents, sister, and her family. Prior to leaving, the week was filled with last minute "to-do" items to make sure everything was in place here before I left. (I even made sure there were ample veggies in the house...hoping that would inspire their consumption during my time away!) There weren't any pictures to take or notable experiences to document prior to my departure. Life in the Southwick home is busy, but pretty routine. In any case, my Arizona vacation has been a tradition every year since I've been married. Usually, this vacation entails a trip to the ballpark with my parents for a Spring Training game (which has been a tradition with my dad for many years); however, this year was a little different. On Tuesday, March 3rd, my dad underwent a hip replacement. This is just the first of a few joint replacements he'll receive over the next year, but he is a trooper. My dad has taught me (by example) the value of optimism and being positive. Each time I would call to check in with him, he would be smiling and report all the milestones he achieved that day instead of lamenting all the things he was still unable to do.

Because of his surgery, we weren't able to make the game this year, but that didn't stop us from enjoying our time together. I arrived in AZ on Friday afternoon. My sister, Nichole, and nephew and niece, Tyler and Kate, picked me up from the airport. I briefly went to their house to help finalize a few last minute details for their yard sale the next morning before Nichole dropped me off at my parents where I hung out the rest of the evening. Saturday (March 14th) was a busy, but fun day! I started off the morning bright and early by helping Nichole with her yard sale. I have to admit, for a person who made a career of studying people, yard sales can be a lot of fun! It is interesting to watch as people peruse the items or haggle the prices.

After about 3 hours, Nichole and I loaded the remainder of the items in our cars and took them to Good Will before grabbing Kate and meeting up with my mom for lunch and a movie. We went to see the new Disney movie, Cinderella. I don't think I'll ever outgrow the fairytales. I realize they are flawed with improbabilities, but I love them. 

Nichole, Kate, Cinderella, and I!

That evening, Nichole contacted a few of my friends and threw an impromptu "baby shower" for me. We all met at one of my favorite restaurants, Pita Jungle, and enjoyed a delicious dinner and good company. I was so happy to see some of my friends that I haven't seen in awhile. It is hard to try to fit everyone and everything into one short week so this was perfect. I loved it! I also loved all the cute gifts I received. It still seems so surreal, but my burgeoning belly reminds me that it is real. It is finally my turn! I love feeling him kick and move. I used to think that was creepy, but it is the sweetest, most reassuring feeling I could ever have. I still have my moments of worry, but I choose to keep the faith and enjoy the moments...like this one. Thanks Nichole (and Mom) for making that happen!

Clockwise from the head of the table: Kalli, Whitni, Lydia, Natalie, Dana, Carrie, me

Two of my friends from junior high/high school, Andie and Rena, couldn't make it that night so we met up another night for ice cream!

The rest of the week was spent helping my parents with routine tasks, shopping with my mom for clothes that would actually fit,

I'm loving my cute little belly...although I'm not too fond of the other body parts that are growing!

going to the temple with my mom and Nichole,

The Mesa Arizona temple...where Jeff and I began our eternity.

hitting my favorite restaurants, 

visiting my aunt and grandma's grave,

and just hanging out with family.

I love Arizona in the Spring. It is my favorite time of the year. One of my favorite smells is the citrus blossoms. I could seriously get intoxicated from that smell. It never gets old. 

It was a great week! I needed the break and needed to spend some time with my family. I don't like living so far away from my parents and sisters, but that just means that these weekly vacations every March are even more fun and meaningful. I am so grateful for family. I may be a little biased, but I have the BEST parents, siblings, nieces and nephews! Even though I was sad to leave, I was happy to get back to Jeff and the kids. I did miss them. Again, in my biased opinion, I have the BEST husband and kids EVER! I know none of us are perfect. I know I have my moments of disagreements and disappointments, but I wouldn't change any of them. I pray that our relationships will continue to grow and become stronger as the years go by; after all, family is the legacy we inherit and the legacy leave behind in the end.

36!

Today is my birthday! I am 36 and officially on the downhill slope to 40!! I never imagined that I would be expecting my first child at age 36, but here I am. It has already been a great birthday week - starting with the ultrasound on Tuesday. Yesterday, I took a little time out for myself and got a pedicure (which was something I usually did with my sister, Nichole, on my birthday). Today I was endlessly spoiled! I woke up to a "fancy" breakfast (or at least the "fancy" dishes were used) and two very funny, very thoughtful birthday cards.

Jeff and I then raced to another doctor's appointment. Since we'd just met with the ultrasound tech on Tuesday, we had a follow up with my OB/GYN, Dr. McCarter. He confirmed that everything looked good. He measured my growing abdomen and said that I'm on target. We also got to hear the baby's heartbeat again. The only negative thing we discussed was my massive fibroid, which is currently positioned in such a way that it is partially blocking the birth canal. We are still hoping for a vaginal delivery, but Dr. McCarter also started to prepare me for the possibility of having a Cesarean. That makes me a little nervous (because of the recovery time and risks to future pregnancies...if we're lucky to have any more), but I'll do whatever it takes to make sure this little boy is born safely. After the doctor's visit, Jeff took me to the BYU Museum of Art. I really enjoy art. I don't always appreciate what is currently being exhibited, but I am fascinated with the talent of others. 

Here I am in the museum with my growing belly!

We wandered through the various exhibits until it was time for lunch. Jeff then took me to the Communal. Jeff knows how much I like traditions and routines so he decided to repeat what we did last year to begin my new birthday traditions. He even had 3 dozen roses there...a rose for each year of my life.

After our yummy lunch, we walked down to the Provo Bakery (just like last year) where he had purchased a lemon cake for our dessert that night. (I love lemon flavored desserts!)

That evening, Jeff prepared (with some minor modifications) my traditional birthday dinner. All growing up, I would request to have oven friend chicken, mashed potatoes, and green bean casserole for my birthday dinner. So Jeff made the mashed potatoes and gravy, opened a couple cans of green beans (without the casserole part), and went to KFC to buy fried chicken and biscuits! I love my husband!! I love how much he tries (and succeeds) to make things special for me. We were pressed for time, but he still made sure I had my delicious (although not really nutritious) dinner.

After dinner, I opened a few gifts from Jeff and the kids (some new DVDs, lotions, lip glosses, date night gift cards, and a maternity pillow) before blowing out the candles and devouring some of my cake. It has been a great day! I am looking forward to all the joys and adventures 36 has to offer!

It's a BOY!!!

I am finally ready to announce that Jeff and I are expecting a little boy in July!! I am 20 weeks pregnant! It has been 20 weeks of emotional ups and downs (and I'm sure I have 20 more) as I've struggled with fears of losing this baby as I lost my first pregnancy. However, we had an ultrasound today that revealed that everything appears to be developing normally. So let me back up and fill in the blanks of the past 20 week journey. In October 2014, Jeff and I prepared ourselves for our third IUI (intrauterine insemination). The previous two attempts had failed. With each failed attempt, the despair I felt increased. I was becoming certain that I would never be able to have a biological child. I continued to struggle with feelings of loss and, truth be told, feelings of resentment. I was angry that God would deny me this righteous desire and resented the fact that I appeared destined to only raise children that would never be "mine". Logically, I knew my Father in Heaven loved me. I knew He would not allow the tears to fall without there being an equal measure of joy, but I couldn't see it. Still, I tried to press forward with faith. I tried to maintain hope of joy...even if that joy was not what I had in mind. I worked hard to live in the moment and to see the blessings that were being poured out in abundance. Yet, I still couldn't relinquish my desire to have a child. Jeff and I prayed, and we felt prompted to continue to move forward. We felt that we needed to do all we could to accomplish this desire, which meant another round of clomid and another IUI. Honestly, I had little hope of this being successful so, as a contingency plan, I also scheduled to have the fibroid removed from the exterior wall of my uterus so as to be able to move forward with IVF in a year after the surgery. On October 31, 2014 (yup...Halloween), I received the IUI then waited two agonizing weeks before knowing whether or not it took. On November 18, 2014 (one year to the day that I had my d&c for my previous miscarriage), Jeff and I discovered I was pregnant! The procedure was successful! I just stared at the home pregnancy test. I tilted it in the light and scrutinized it, but there it was...the light blue "+" sign that indicated I was pregnant.

I don't think words could ever describe the overwhelming joy and incomprehensible anxiety I felt all mixed into one moment. I was pregnant!...but would this child live? Or was I destined to experience another miscarriage - another devastating loss? Thus began the emotional roller coaster of the next 20 weeks. After discovering I was pregnant, Jeff gave me a priesthood blessing in which I was blessed that both this child and I would be healthy and that I would be able to have this child. You would think that receiving this blessing would have brought me unending peace, but I still struggled. I desperately tried to maintain my faith, yet the emotional pain from my previous miscarriage was burned into my heart. It was a pain I did not want to re-experience. Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one of this emotional roller coaster ride. I drug Jeff and the boys along as well. Some days were easy and the ride was pleasurable - other days were not. I had ultrasounds at 7, 8, 11, and 14 weeks gestation. With each positive ultrasound, I gained in confidence, but the worry persisted. Am I eating right? Was that drive on that bumpy dirt road going to hurt the baby? Did I inhale too much diesel fumes when Jeff fired up the tractor in the shop? Obviously, some of my worries seemed to be baseless, but they were concerns nonetheless. I worried when I felt lower abdominal pains and I worried when I didn't. After the week 14 ultrasound, I finally started announcing our good news to our family. I felt more confident and sure that this pregnancy would last; yet, I still couldn't bring myself to widely publicize our little miracle...until now. Today's ultrasound was so amazing! We discovered that our little miracle is a baby boy! Ever since I saw that light blue "+" sign, I knew it was a boy...today just confirmed it. The images were so detailed and surreal. That is my baby! Those are his little hands and feet, his arms and legs, his heart, his stomach, and so on. With each look at each organ, I would hold my breath until I heard the ultrasound tech state that everything appeared to look good. I would then relax and enjoy the moment until the tech searched for another organ and another examination of whether or not it was developing properly. However, at the end of the 20-30 minutes, I felt lighter than air as the burden of worry seemed lifted from my shoulders. My baby boy was ok. His little body seems to be developing normally and everything appears to be in good condition.

I realize that there are still risks, but my faith is stronger. I still have 20 weeks to go, but I have started to feel his movements. I used to think that seeing a child move inside a mother's womb was pretty creepy...but it couldn't be further from that! It is the sweetest, most reassuring feeling. I look forward to those little flutters and flips. After the ultrasound, I looked at Jeff and said, "Let's go shopping!" I had refrained from making any big purchases due to my fears and worries, but now I was ready to start making purchases. We bought the crib, dresser/changing table, carseat and stroller! I already knew what I wanted and had already printed off the coupons so the purchases were easy to make. We also bought some little boy clothes for our "gender reveal" that night. The kids knew I was going to have an ultrasound this week, but they weren't sure when. I decided that it would be fun to surprise them so I bought little boy clothes and placed an outfit in three different brown gift bags. I also bought some Hershey chocolate bars and colored the "he" in blue and the "she" in pink (HErSHEy). We were going to have a "He 'r' she" party! On each bag, I wrote "he", "r", and "she" - one word for each bag. I placed blue tissue paper in the "he" bag, brown in the 'r' bag, and pink in the "she" bag. Once everyone was gathered that night (Jeff's parents, two nephews, and sister joined us - I already told my family since they wouldn't be there), Amber, Dallin and Daniel held up the Hershey bar with their guess as to the gender then each opened a gift bag to reveal the truth. It's a BOY! Dallin and Danny were both hoping for a little girl, but Amber guessed right.

We will welcome our little boy Southwick in July 2015!! Luckily, the next few months are super busy so hopefully the time will pass quickly! There are still moments when everything just seems surreal. Even though my belly is growing and I can no longer fit into my jeans, sometimes I just feel like I'm living in a dream. I am excited for the future. I still worry...not only about his health, but about how life will change once he's here. But I know this is the Lord's will. I know this little boy is supposed to join our family. There have been too many things that have occurred to only be "coincidence". I am living with a miracle growing inside of me. He is truly a gift from God.

Family Literacy Night

Tonight Taylor Elementary School hosted a Family Literacy Night. I have to admit that I wasn't too excited about going when Danny initially told me about it, but I'm glad we did. Amber even joined us! I didn't always love to read. It was definitely something that developed over time...and after a little maturity and wisdom set in. However, I can now say that my teachers were right - reading can truly unlock the doors of knowledge, wisdom and imagination. Sometimes I fear that we get so used to "dumbing down" (like we call it in our home) with TV or social media that we truly deny ourselves the privilege of what literature can offer. I don't profess to be some great English scholar or connoisseur of classic literature, but I do understand the importance of what a book can offer. In any case, the school provided a hot dog dinner then had several different 15 minute classes/activities you could attend. I hope tonight inspires Danny to a greater love for reading. With so many other competing activities, I sometimes feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle in that area. I'm sure I'm not alone on that battlefield. Luckily, Danny seemed to have fun and was even able to pick out a free book to take home! It was a nice evening.