Two months

Ok, I have to admit that I honestly didn't remember today was my two month anniversary until I was talking to my friend Dana in the afternoon. It has been another busy Southwick week. It seems like Jeff and I are running just to keep up with all the demands on our time, but after that phone call I was able to slow down for a moment of reflection. Again, all I feel is blessed, loved, and lucky. The emotional roller coaster ride of the first month (regarding my thoughts and feelings about motherhood) has transformed from the type of ride you would see at Six Flags to one that you would find in a traveling carnival. I know the ups and downs of life are normal. I know that with time the emotional peaks and valleys I've experienced regarding how to be a "mother" without actually having borne the children I am mothering will simply become rolling hills then hopefully flat land. I have discovered that as I've changed my speech and have stopped qualifying my role as mother, I have been able to take ownership of the children entrusted to my (and Jeff's) care. I have recognized that the barriers or walls I've thought existed were my own creation. There have been rough parenting moments as Jeff and I have needed to discipline the kids. I was terrified that these moments may have distanced the kids from me, but it has had quite the opposite effect. I have discovered that the kids seem to know and understand that we love them despite the consequences we have had to enforce. In fact, it has taught me more about the love of my Heavenly Father. He must weep each time we prevent ourselves from gaining blessings because of our choices. Many of us live far below our potential. I have occasionally found myself in that situation, but I am grateful for His love and mercy. Jeff and I have tried to extend such love and mercy through our interactions with the kids. Again, I feel extremely blessed to be a wife and a mother. It has only been two months, but I feel like I have been here since day one. I may not have all the memories they share, but I can't imagine feeling any more love for my husband and children than I do in this moment. (Here was one of the highlights of my week. It's a random text conversation I had with Amber. It just goes to show that even when I may not think they may not notice, they really are.)