Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day! For years, this has been the one holiday to which I have never really looked forward. It seemed to be a day that honored women who had borne children or were at least raising children they had adopted, but I never felt it honored those "childless" women who were very much "mothers" even if they were not wholly responsible for the upbringing of a specific child who was residing with them. Logically, I knew Mother's Day honored all women. In our church, we have been taught that motherhood is a divine attribute given to all women. In the Garden of Eden, Adam called Eve the "mother of all living" prior to her ever giving birth to a child. Each woman has been born with the capacity to love, nurture, and guide. Many women do this, not in a capacity that we would term "mothers", but as aunts, neighbors, sisters, teachers, etc. I have had the privilege of being loved, nurtured, and guided by several women with whom I did not share a direct biological relationship. I know that in my journey through life (especially in my previous vocational capacity), I have loved, cared for, and tried to guide many children. I have also had the privilege of loving, nurturing, and guiding some amazing nieces and nephews! For the past two years, I have been humbled because of the divine opportunity I've had to help love, nurture and guide four children that were placed in my path because of my marriage to Jeff. Still, I never felt like Mother's Day applied to me. I always felt that my title of "mother" came with an asterisk. I even wondered if those children who honored me on that day felt obligated to do so rather than feeling a true desire to celebrate the role I've played in their lives. But this year was different. I feel like I can finally erase the asterisk from my title. I know I have yet to give birth, but as I awoke that morning to the playful kicks of my unborn child, I felt like I had finally earned the right to be called "mother". I feel like there is no longer any doubt or question as to the title I have been gifted. I love Laurin, Amber, Dallin and Daniel; however, it has been difficult to "share" them. It has been hard to have to clarify my role with the prefix "step" when discussing my relation to them. I have struggled to feel secure in that role when it has felt so fragile at times. I have also felt intense regret and remorse as I've stumbled along this path of step-parenthood. I realize that the path of "parenthood" will not be much different, but no one will ever question who bore this child. Jonas is truly my little miracle. The child I have prayed to have for years. I still pray for him. I pray that he will not feel any asterisk next to his title of "brother". I pray that the asterisk I feel with the other children will dissolve as we unitedly move forward on our path back to our Father in Heaven. I pray that love, rather than biology, will be the true measure of our relationships. In any case, I leisurely got out of bed that morning, basking in the movement I felt from Jonas, before I ventured out of the bedroom. Jeff and the kids had prepared a simple, but delicious breakfast to start my day. (I am one that likes cereal so it's not difficult to please me with a simple breakfast!)

No, I did not eat the chocolates for breakfast...but I have since savored them on several occasions. After breakfast, we all went to church. The day pretty much proceeded as any Sunday would, except for the fact that I didn't have to prepare any meal and Jeff was able to be home with me (he usually have several church meetings to attend). I didn't need any more than that. I just loved being with my husband and the kids, including Jonas. Laurin even made it down that evening to have dinner with us. I appreciated the sacrifice it took for her to drive down. It meant a lot to me. After another scrumptious meal (chicken, mashed potatoes, and asparagus), we went to Jeff's mom's house to celebrate with her and have a little dessert before returning home so I could talk to my mom. I'm grateful for both of these great women. My mother has been the rock that I have leaned on many times. She has exemplified selfless service, sacrifice, perseverance, loyalty and unconditional love. I wouldn't be who I am today without her in my life. I have also really appreciated Penny. She has been a silent support for both Jeff and I. She really helped paved the way for me to be here. She has always been so loving and respectful. I feel quite lucky. All in all, it was the best Mother's Day I've had! I loved the simplicity. I loved the thoughtfulness of the gifts and cards. I loved sharing it with all the people that mean so much to me!

Jeff got me the temple picture in the background and the kids made the crossword-style canvas with all our names on it. Unfortunately, Laurin left before I took this picture and Amber wasn't feeling well.