My 42nd Birthday!

 That's right...another year down...and hopefully several more years still yet to come! I have to be honest, my 40s (all two of them) have been more difficult than my 20s or my 30s. At times, I feel a little lost as to what to do with all the years ahead. In my 20s, I received my bachelors & masters degrees, served a mission, and saw the world. In my 30s, I established a career then I got married and had a family. Now...I'm honestly not sure what is on the horizon. I am still actively involved in supporting my family, creating memories, and serving the ones I love. While I am not currently "employed", I am busy managing a home and helping Jeff with the business while serving in a volunteer church calling as the president of the Primary organization. It's not like I don't have things to do to fill my time; I simply wonder if those things are "it". Should I be doing more? What happens when all the kids are on their own and don't actively need me? What am I going to do to fill my time when some of my current responsibilities wane? I feel like this is the quest of this decade. Life is about stages and changes. This is a transformative period in my life. While it should excite me (and sometimes does), it also fills me with apprehension and stress. For now, I simply take it one day at a time and pray to hear the inspiration when it comes. This week, I didn't just take it "one day at a time"...I stretched out my birthday celebrations ALL week! This should come as no surprise to anyone. For so many years, I didn't have a Valentine to celebrate Valentines Day with. I did have a mother, but Mother's Day was a little tough too, so my birthday became MY day of celebration. It's an excuse to give myself all those self-care moments that I should be doing regularly but don't always get to. It's the time I don't feel guilty for the little indulgences or for saying "no" to something. Needless to say, I love my birthday! There wasn't any huge fanfare; just many little moments of celebration. For example, on Wednesday (after I dropped Jonas off at his music class), I rolled through the Starbucks drive thru for a little treat with a gift card I found stashed in my car. On Thursday, after Jonas's ice skating, we dropped by Chip to try out their Lucky Charms cookie of the month. Simple things I don't normally do but decided my birthday was a good enough excuse to do them.

Friday was my actual birthday. I started the morning with my traditional pedicure before meeting up with Jonas for a little date he prepared. He bought me a ticket to see the new Disney animated film, Raya and the Last Dragon. It has easily been over a year since Jonas has been to a movie theater, and this was a cute movie to go see! I love that he decided on an event rather than a "gift". There is very little I "need". What I love most is simply being with my family and friends.

After the movie, I dropped Jonas off at Gma Penny's and picked up Jeff for the rest of my birthday celebrations. We headed to downtown Provo where I picked up my cake from Provo Bakery and had dinner at the Communal. It has been my birthday tradition since the first year I was here. One nice thing about traditions is that you don't have to reinvent the wheel each time an event comes up! I really made it easy for Jeff to know what to do and what to get me (he always buys me a rose for each year of my life). In between picking up the cake and our dinner reservations, we had a little time to kill so we walked over to the Provo City Center temple and sat on the grounds to chat. It was a beautiful day! Spring is here...even though it's technically still winter. When we got home, Jeff had ordered a few cupcakes so that I could have some lemon cake on my birthday and blow out a candle (or try to! Jonas definitely picked up on the Southwick tradition of trying to prevent the birthday person from blowing out his/her candle).

Saturday, I continued my celebrations with an afternoon tea with Laurin and Amber. If you would have asked me 8 years ago if I could imagine going to tea with Laurin and Amber, I probably would have cried and stated that I didn't know if that could ever be possible. We have had ups and downs as we have navigated a "blended" family life. It has been difficult (at times) to nurture a positive relationship when the hurts, pains, frustrations, disappointments, misunderstandings, etc. seemed so overwhelming. Yet, there we were, enjoying mini sandwiches and desserts at Taste in downtown Provo! I truly love and admire these beautiful women. I can't even begin to imagine our family life from their perspective. In some ways, I know they see all the good that has come to this, Jeff and Alisha, family since its formation. However, I know there are unspoken heartaches in all of us, but we are good. We love. We support each other. We fight for our family. We try to understand. And we continually move forward. It was a really fun hour to just chat and enjoy something "girly", especially since I'm constantly surrounded by boys.

You would think the festivities would stop then...but I kept them rolling for another couple of days! On Sunday, we had my traditional birthday dinner and dessert with the family. It was another beautiful day! Honestly, as much as I love my dinner, I mostly enjoyed sitting outside chatting and eventually taking a walk together. 

Finally, I rounded out my birthday celebrations on Monday. I went out to lunch with a couple of friends. I love these ladies! It is so therapeutic to realize I'm not alone in anything! They have similar struggles and triumphs. We swap stories and sympathy as needed. After lunch, I got to go babysit the Tanners. They got me birthday cupcakes and a candle to blow out. It is sincerely the simple things in life that mean the most. It's the single birthday candle in a cupcake or an hour set aside in busy schedules to go to tea. It's watching a movie or sitting on the temple grounds to chat. I received so many birthday texts and small gifts of acknowledgment. It reminds me how important it is to simply recognize those in our lives we love and care about. It doesn't have to be grandiose. It just needs to be sincere. Thank you to everyone who made my birthday special!