Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day! This weekend is generally full of all the feels. A myriad of emotions course through my heart, but I choose to sit in gratitude and joy. My motherhood journey is definitely different than what most would consider the traditional route; then again, most journeys in life are different than what we expected. I have learned to embrace it all: the happiness and the hurt, the highs and the lows, the triumphs and the defeats. It's not always easy. Sometimes my heart lingers in the frustrations, hurts, and disappointments. Sometimes I choose to be offended when no offense was intended. Sometimes I emotionally react instead of thoughtfully acting. But, through it all, I choose happiness. I choose to ceaselessly show up. I choose to love unfailingly. I choose to endlessly keep trying. So with that I truly say, "Happy Mother's Day!"...because happiness is the choice that leads to the gratitude and joy I am basking in. So how did I enjoy this happiness? I created it this weekend. On Friday (May 9th), I chose to get my hands dirty. There is something about being in nature that is genuinely healing. I needed to set my heart right so I finally planted all my garden boxes. I gathered flowers, veggies, and more than I went to work hefting large bags of potting soil, planting, and watering. As I sat on the deck with a popsicle after I had finished, I was content...and sweaty...but it felt good. I quickly cleaned up then I met up with the girls for dinner and chocolate tasting. A few weeks ago, I reached out to them and proposed an evening together. Mother's Day gets tricky as you try to honor all the "moms" in your life. That Sunday just isn't sufficient to celebrate all the incredible women so I suggested that we maybe start a tradition where we get together to celebrate each other on a day other than Mother's Day Sunday. My girls are incredible! (including Audrey who is currently a mom-in-waiting). I want to celebrate them! They are in the thick of motherhood (which is not to say that I'm not there with them, but they deserve to have their own Mother's Day Sunday as they choose). Plus, I know that they all have other moms to celebrate; I just don't want to get lost in all that shuffle. I don't need much. I just wanted to be seen and remembered. That was easy to do when we were all together. We simply enjoyed an evening of good foods and lots of laughter, especially with Amber's chocolate tasting notes. (A couple days earlier, I had taken Carter and Everly to lunch at Kneaders when the sweet lady attending us handed us a chocolate to enjoy for free. Just a little pre-Mother's Day treat for two incredible ladies.) 

Saturday we didn't really do anything to celebrate Mother's Day in particular, but I got to spend it with Jeff, Jonas, and even the evening with the Irons. We went to Camden's soccer game that morning then took Jonas to the batting cages. (His friends convinced him to do a short season of baseball through Payson Rec.) That evening, Laurin, Everly, Carter, Casey, and sweet Ava came over to go for a swim! Yup! It's that season! We had so much fun splashing around in the pool.

Sunday (May 11th) was Mother's Day (and also Dallin's birthday!). Jeff and Jonas spoiled me all day long. By the time I got up, Jonas was already dressed for church and had a breakfast spread ready to go (with our traditional toaster strudels of course!). Jeff gave me a beautiful letter and necklace while Jonas sent me on a scavenger hunt to find a spa gift card. I felt very spoiled. At church, all the women were gifted a beautiful rose. After church, Jeff and Jonas made me some shrimp cocktail and salad (another tradition). We took a walk and enjoyed a lazy afternoon. In fact, Jonas and I even took a little nap as I watched a Hallmark movie. It was perfect! Danny got to call home and chat with me for about an hour before the rest of the kids showed up. The evening was a celebration of all the women...and Dallin. Other than the fact that I didn't have to make or clean up dinner, we had shifted the focus to celebrating Dallin's birthday. Poor kid is always going to end up sharing Mother's Day from time to time. 

I would be lying if I said that Mother's Day weekend was without any difficult emotions. There were moments when I wanted and hoped and needed to feel seen...and I only received silence. Don't get me wrong...I absolutely felt spoiled in moments, and I could even understand the silence I received from some instead of the celebration I had hoped for...but it still hurt. Monday morning, I found myself on my knees pleading to my Father for a lot of things. I had felt humbled in ways and asked for forgiveness. I sifted through those prideful feelings to find their cause as I also analyzed my aching heart. The only thought that resonated as a solution in my heart was my need to be seen by Him. Perhaps I focus so much on being seen by others (who may or may not have the capacity to see me in the way I want...or perhaps it's my inability to perceive the ways they see me) that I neglect to feel seen by the One who sees all. My soul lingered in that thought as warmth entered my troubled heart. Later that day, Danny called again. He normally calls on Monday so it wasn't unusual. A lot of times, it's just us chatting (although the siblings will chime in when they can). Today was one of those days where I was able to talk to him one on one. I shared some of my feelings from earlier in the day and he immediately urged me to go check the mail. You see he had written letters to each of his grandmas and to me, but I hadn't received mine. I knew about the grandma letters, but I figured when mine didn't come, that the Mother's Day phone call was his gift to me. I was wrong. He had thoughtfully and prayerfully constructed a letter days before. He was sad when he found out on Mother's Day that I hadn't received it...then today happened. In Danny's letter (written nearly a week before), he felt inspired to tell me how I have been the one person that has most connected him to Christ. He then proceeded to bear his testimony about who Christ is for each of us. In that letter, I was reminded of a loving Savior who truly does see me. I didn't need that letter on Mother's Day...I needed it that day. God does see me...and He saw Danny too.