Happy Mother's Day

I think this is the one holiday that evokes every variety of emotion known to man...or should I say woman? The concept of "mother" comes with preconceived notions based on ideal standards that don't always end up being our reality. Mothers are described as being the closest thing to angels on earth; while there is a thread of truth to that, most mothers (and everyone else!) know that there is no perfect mother. The ideal we set for that woman in our lives is often felt as unachievable by both mother and oftentimes, child. Disappointment, frustration, and despair are just some of the emotions we experience in this journey of motherhood. Feelings of failure and inadequacy become constant. These emotions coupled with heartache and tears percolate every facet of this odyssey. BUT...there is an overwhelming joy that comes from a sincere "thank you" from a child to a mother. There is immeasurable pride felt when your child achieves milestones and overcomes trials. There is an unknown strength in a mother's will. Perseverance is something that becomes innate. A mother's heart stretches to the point of bursting with love for each child in her care, even when that child may experience moments of frustration or rejection of that love. Life has purpose in motherhood - in whatever form that takes. I am grateful for the "mothers" in my life. They have exhibited strength and grace beyond what I could possibly understand. I wish I would have taken more time to be patient with them like they were with me. I wish I would have said, "Thank you", more. I wish I would have given them the benefit of the doubt and reserved my judgments. I wish (sometimes) life could be lived backward so I could understand more of what they are experiencing...but I do now (or at least I think I do), and because of that, I understand that mothers truly are divine. I am not the perfect mother. I have made many mistakes and missteps. I constantly look back and wish I could have done or said things differently, but I'm learning...and I will never stop trying. Because of that, I celebrate today. I celebrate all the imperfect mothers. I celebrate my own imperfections. I know I am trying. That's all I can do. I try. I pray. I keep trying. I cry. I try again. I feel joy and peace. I try once more...and I'll never stop.

With that said, I decided that Mother's "Day" needed to be more than just a day. I milked an entire weekend out of it! On Friday (8th), Jonas helped me clean the house and detail my car. (In Danny's defense, he couldn't help because he's been sick. He is exhibiting symptoms associated with COVID-19, but it could also be just the flu, or another virus, or strep throat, or allergies, or a myriad of other things, but because we don't know, we are choosing to keep our distance so we don't all get it.) Now this may not seem like much of a Mother's Day activity or gift, but if you know me, you know I LOVE a clean environment...and I love that Jonas was excited to help. He's actually getting to the age where his "help" is just that...help...not just a mess that I have to clean up later. He had fun playing with the water and helping to vacuum out the car.

On Saturday (9th), Jeff and Jonas went to the garden stores with me then helped me plant my flower and vegetable garden. Again, most people wouldn't think of this as a "fun" Mother's Day activity, but I enjoy watching things grow. I love that I can place a small plant in some dirt, give it some water, then watch it yield beauty or yummy food.

Throughout the day, I received little presents from neighbors and ward members. I loved all the thoughtful and funny gifts.

That evening, Jeff, Jonas, and I went on a little Mother's Day date. The date was originally just supposed to be Jeff and me, but when Danny got sick, we decided to bring Jonas along. We grabbed a quick to-go dinner at Kneaders before heading to Ashton Gardens to see what was left of the Tulip Festival. The gardens finally opened this week (with a few recommendations and restrictions as have become "normal" because of the coronavirus). I love the Tulip Festival! I was so sad when I thought I wouldn't get to see it at all, but luckily, the state's restrictions were eased and non-essential businesses were allowed to open. Many of the tulips were dying or had already been plucked up, but there was still so much beauty and serenity to enjoy. I loved having Jeff and Jonas with me (although there were moments I just wanted to wander in silence, but Jonas had other ideas). When we reached the Light of the World Garden (or what I call the "Sacred Garden"), Jonas stopped at each scene and asked me to tell him the story. I relished the opportunity to share my testimony with my son...and myself. Sometimes as I explain things to him, I feel the chords of truth vibrate in my own soul. It was the culmination of the whole garden experience.

Sunday (10th), Jeff actually conceded that I could finally really celebrate Mother's Day...and I took advantage of it! I had a yummy breakfast followed by a phone call (coupled with an earlier sweet email) from my favorite missionary. It was good to talk to Dallin! He is definitely experiencing a different "mission", but we're all excited for his new adventures.

Lunch was next. I love the fact that I can choose to eat whatever I want and everyone has to deal with it! Luckily, most everyone is ok with my food choices...minus the fish.

I had just finished lunch when I got a text from Amber. She instructed me to go look under my bed. There was a box of Crumbl cookies! Perfect timing! She had snuck into the house yesterday to hide my cookies. All the older kids contributed to the sweet treat. They included a little note that said, "You are the egg to our crazy cookie family; you hold our sh** together! You are the baking powder that helps us RISE to our delicious potential." It was a well-received (and thoughtful) gift!

The rest of the day, I was simply able to chill. Jeff played with Jonas. I got to read, work on the blog, water my garden, talk to my mom, and just enjoy the day. That evening, Jeff and Jonas made me a yummy dinner then I got to control what we watched on TV. It was the perfect ending to a beautiful day and a fun weekend!