Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! Surprisingly, Jonas didn't wake up too early. However, once he did wake up, he was ready to see if Santa brought his electric scooter! I was able to stall him for about 15 minutes as we discovered a few gifts Santa left in the tiny stocking he had colored from the ward Christmas party and hung in his room. Finally, once he couldn't wait any longer, he rounded up his siblings and headed to the living room. At that point, it was a flurry of wrapping paper and smiles as everyone got to open their gifts. I feel extremely grateful for the circumstances that allow us to provide this type of Christmas for our kids. While I try to keep our gift-giving in check, I am acutely aware of our abundance and realize there are families out there who don't have anything to give. I hope in our excitement over gifts we receive, we can remember that to give is more important than to receive.

My favorite gift this year was a handwritten letter from Jeff. The letter was accompanied by a beautiful necklace entitled "Center of Me" with a single round diamond in the center of swirls of diamonds. The letter explained that I am the heart of this home and the center of Jeff's world. I cried as I read that letter and reflected on all the times I felt more like the chaos and not the center. I wish I was perfect. I wish I could say the right things, react the right way, and be the person everyone expects/wants me to be, but I don't and I'm not. A friend once asked me what was the one thing I thought I had done exceptionally well as a parent. At first, all I could think of were all the mistakes I have made and the unintentional hurt or frustration I've caused; yet, through it all I can honestly say I tried exceptionally well. I have always tried to be a good parent and a good person. I have tried to do what was right for my family. I have tried to be the bigger person. I have tried to let things go and overcome the hurt I've felt. I have tried to love with all my heart. I have tried to temper my anger. I have tried to be a good mother...and I'll never stop. I hope that earns me the praise Jeff wrote to me or the necklace I proudly wear...even when I don't feel I deserve it.

After everyone opened their gifts, we had our traditional waffle breakfast before Dallin called. To be honest, I think this was my favorite part of the day. I loved seeing his smile. I loved that he was happy with the little he received for Christmas and more excited about the abundance he was going to give (he bought tons of chocolate and cream puffs to hand out to members and investigators). It was fun to talk to him. I'm grateful that he gets to call as often as he does. I think it helps all of us feel connected even though we're 2,834 miles apart.

Once we finished the call, the older kids left to attend their in-laws' Christmas parties. Our day slowed down, but the boys enjoyed playing with their Christmas gifts. The Tanners came over later in the afternoon and joined us for Christmas dinner (sorry...no pictures...I think I was thoroughly exhausted at that point). And just like that, Christmas is over. It never seems to last long enough, but I'm grateful for all the memories made. Now on to a new year and new adventures!